This was who I was. In the Fall of 2009, I wrote and performed this song with some lovely friends. Sometimes I watch this and get sad and sometimes I watch this and smile, laugh, and sing along. When I wrote it, I really didn't apply it to myself but rather to others who might feel this way. Little did I know how much it would apply to me one day. Take a listen.
"And if I could go back I would tell
that little fish he's really a whale
Only as big as the world you've been given
only as big as the world you have taken
only as big as the world you are livin'
you're only as big as YOUR world
so live it..."
Why I feel this song applies to me so well is now I've been there. I was a confident 'whale' (that sounds way weird in writing, ha ha) on campus. I felt I knew everyone and people knew me. Not only that, but I spread joy everywhere. I would pick dandelions and give them out to random people throughout campus all day, for goodness sake. I wore way to much pink and loved everyone I met. Then I kind of ran into my "glass." I got married and moved to a place where no one knew me and performing meant performing to my sweet husband in our small apartment. Then I felt like my bowl got even smaller and more difficult to live in when I experienced a whirlwind of traumatic events - I got pregnant, gained 40+ pounds, and had a still birth. Just 4 months after the still birth, I was pregnant again and spent the greater part of my pregnancy on bed rest. Ya, I slammed into that glass pretty hard, face first and it really hurt. Now this isn't to say I am not that girl anymore. I still love pink and I try to love everyone I meet (but now I am on mother duty and, sorry, I usually make sure you're not a serial killer first before I hug you) . Now my dandelions usually go to just two - my daughter and Stu. I think we all come to a time in our life where we realize we really are just a "goldfish". By realizing and owning that reality, we can now become the best whale in our own small, lovely, wonderful, messy world.
So folks, just keep swimming - because it's your beautiful world. So go ahead. Live it.