"Divorced" is a word I thought would never be in my vocabulary. That would never happen to me. That only happens to other people. I would never be that girl. But I found myself at the age of 26 filing for divorce and moving back in with my parents.
There’s so many emotions and feelings that go along with divorce. And it’s tough to explain if you haven’t actually been through it. I felt anger, sadness, helplessness, guilt, hope, love, despair, peace, comfort, self doubt, confusion, gratitude, and everything in between. I found myself feeling embarrassed and ashamed. Even though deep down I knew it was the right decision that still didn’t make it easy. I wondered what people might think of me. I also had feelings of not being good enough and I couldn’t see how anyone could love me after all the “baggage” I’d been through. Divorce really is a dissolution of a dream. You build a life with someone and then it’s over. You break into a million pieces, but continue to breath. I chose to move forward with strength, even when it was so hard.
I had good days and I had bad days. There were many times I was lifted up, usually by the kindness of my family. They were by my side through it all. They encouraged me, let me cry, let me be angry, listened when I just needed to vent, distracted me, and made me feel special when I didn’t feel like I was. They put up with all my questions and doubt. I can’t explain how much they helped me. And then some days it was just easier to be grumpy, frustrated, and very negative about my future.
I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My faith also got me through the hard hours, days, and even months. I believe that when my Savior, Jesus Christ suffered on the cross that it wasn’t just for my sins, it was for my suffering, the rejection I felt, the unfairness, and injustice. All of my private heartaches, grief, and pain. No one knew how I was feeling, but HE did. I did lots of praying and pleading with my Savior. I prayed He would heal my heart completely and help me realize how special I am and help me get through the tough days.
And because of that strong belief, I know He helped me so much through that time in my life and still continues to help me. I gained strength, love, and determination from that belief.
It took time, but after a few months, I found so much peace and sunshine in my life. I feel so grateful and blessed. I couldn’t have done it without my Savior and my support system. I have the most wonderful family and I have so much gratitude for them and all they did for me during the toughest time in my life.
I know that I am beautiful. I deserve to be happy. I am important and special. And I deserve love just as much as anyone else. I don’t have those feelings of embarrassment anymore. The toughest trial in my life has made me stronger than ever before and I know who I am and I am happy with who I am. I love myself! And I am so incredibly happy!
Many friends and family members told me right after I had gotten divorced that I seemed like myself again and I seemed at peace. Even though there were those dark moments, I really did come out on top, And I owe it all to my Savior and my family.
To anyone going through a similar situation, please know that you can be happy again! Stay strong, surround yourself with the people who love you the most, and do your best to be the best person you can be. Make sure you take care of yourself. It will take time, but you will get through it.
Looking back, I am grateful for hard trials because it has molded me into the woman I am today. I am blessed. I am strong and I am beautiful.